No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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