the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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