ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
