I am spending my child support on dildos
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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