His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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