Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
