I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
