cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
