I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
