good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
