i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
