I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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