I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
