i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
