Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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