I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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