where am i from again
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
