sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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