She's JV to your varsity
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
