I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
