I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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