I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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