now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
