I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
