I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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