The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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