I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
