I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
