I think my vagina is haunted
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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