Only a mothe r could love this liver
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
