the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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