I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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