Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
