Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
