I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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