Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's always time for handjobs
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
