I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
