that's an acceptable place to lick
and she was petting her beer can
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your penis caused this!
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