i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
