I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Never joke about your clitoris.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
