That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
