plz talk dirty to me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
