guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
