So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
