I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
