Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
