that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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