Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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