Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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