I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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