...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
