my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
