Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
