And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
