Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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