Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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